Blogging and Journaling

I started blogging some years ago as a way to do journaling. It morphed into various activities but I quickly learnt that putting very personal items on a blog was not a good idea.

My venture in blogging continues and have now started journaling again using a specific kind of software to journal. Well, I really have not decided on which one, I still have my book where I hand wrote my thoughts for a while so I'll just do both until one of them wins.

Writing in it will allow me to voice anything I feel without exposing myself to internet predators. Stupid and irrational remarks will go there (therefore not create too much problems for me). :-)

So today I begin and will use of my journal comments as the basis for some blog posts as well. This way it will give me a chance to think things over.

The things on my mind and not necessarily in this order are:

My family.
My spiritual growth.
My finances.
Reading.
Singing.
Music.
Dance.
Exercise.
Food.
Friends.
My daughter (part of my family of course but specifically my daughter).
My dear wife (she's been on vacation, I miss her), there I said it. Call me a milksop if you must but that's how it is.
Work and programming code.
Health (related to food and family).
My mom.
More...

I have not posted anything here since my dear father passed away because I just did not want to let that post go into oblivion but it will resurface of that I'm sure.

A Farewell to Dad

February 13th, 2010

On Saturday February 13, 2010 my mother and I went to visit Dad at the convalescent home where he was being cared for. He could hardly talk, a few words were all we could pick up, my name, a nickname for mom 'conchita', water and 'give me more'.

I fed him lunch, gave him water, held his hand,  caressed his forehead.

We struggled to make out what he wanted go say, just the fact that he could say our names was enough to keep us connected. After about a couple of hours we told him we were leaving and would come back later.

Like so many times before he would not want us to leave. I kissed him and promised to come back. He kept calling my name as we slowly said good bye. It was my name 'Fernando' the last thing I would hear him utter.

He passed away before we came back that evening. We came back as promised, but now there was only silence. He was serene and relaxed, no longer suffering .

We joked and told short stories that he could no longer enjoy but that made us remember better times.

I kissed his forehead and held his hand, and said good bye one last time!

I did come back Dad!

Baker's Heritage

 

Dad was a baker for a good part of his life, I will always miss the bread he would bake, sweet memories of warm bread out of a brick oven. All that's left, is an empty bread basket waiting for the next batch to come in.

The care that he put into baking his bread is sort of what he did for us when we were kids. There were five of us. Not quite a Baker's Dozen but a handful nevertheless. He would take us to the park by himself and give mom a break. That was a Sunday ritual.

We would go to the pool, the park, have some Ice Cream and it was just so much fun. Whatever was happening that made him lose sleep was never apparent, we always felt secure.

I can thank my dad for a life long love of swimming. The pool we use to visit was an Olympic size pool. His nephew (Margarito), was a life guard and an excellent swimmer. He taught me how to swim and master the free style. Swimming has become part of who I am and what dad left for me.

His Personality!

My dad was a 'character' as some of our friends put it. He had his temper but also a good sense of humor and there were many times when we laughed our heads off as we talked every time we got together.

He had these peculiar phrases he would use from time to time, we called those 'Miguelisms'. Whenever someone said it was hot, he would say, 'It's not hot, it's just absence of cool weather!'.

We traveled to many places together, through sad times and happy times he was there. My youngest sister said it best, 'He never turned his back on us'.

Some facts and observations.

Dad is survived by my Mom 'Conchita', four of us kids (you know we will always be the kids), nine grandchildren.

Dad was born in Guatemala on December 4th, 1924. But I dare to say that he is probably one of the few people that because of clerical errors has actually three birth dates. December 24, 1924 (that's close, a 2 for the 0) and September 4th, 1924. December and September are nowhere near in spelling, so I'm not sure how that happened!

The troubles that these different dates caused are an amusing part of the story. Of course it was not so funny when the health service providers would not get paid. Someone involved in the process had the wrong date and bills were not being taken care of. I was called to clarify the issue and had to use the wrong date in order to get billing cleared.

The battle to clarify that whole mess began in earnest and I'm not sure it will ever be completely fixed. I hope we don't have an issue with the death certificate as well. Turns out without it, you can't 'turn off' certain services and taxpayers money or retirement funds keep coming to someone who is not there.

It opens up the door for unscrupulous individuals to take advantage of the situation and manifest by illegal actions their love for money.

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Below is a small brochure created so that it would be distributed at funeral services.

It's kind of crazy, but prior to about an hour before the event and for days before I had this fear and anxiety attacks. It was based on an uncomfortable dream that absolutely no one would show up.

I was sitting there by myself without friends and family. Crazy as it may sound, that's what concerned me for the better part of the week. Almost as if no one knew of my father's passing away.

Don't know where those fears came from, perhaps related to the emptiness that is felt upon the loss of a loved one.  Unfounded fears of course! We had received condolences from as far as the East coast, New York, Boston, Florida and as far south as our country of origin Guatemala.

There were more than 300 people in attendance, so I'm not sure what I was thinking!

...to dust you will return...

Dad donated his body for medical research. His remains will be spread out in the coast of Oregon, a place we visit a lot. I can say I'm visiting Dad every time I go there from now on.

A lighthearted view...

This is kind of a morbid joke, but I did get a lot of experience doing my Dad's photo collage. I told some of my friends that if they wanted to pre-order one I was now very experienced in creating such an item!

I even have an idea of what I want form my own collage. One can select the best photos and not leave it to some one else. In fact one can start collecting photos now, keep the best and get rid of the less flattering ones.

Ok, a little over the top but I think it's related to us not wanting to think about the inevitable.

We also received a note from his Dr. who offered his condolences, it mentioned how my father was a good patient and cooperated with everyone involved.

I think he must have been thinking about someone else, there were many times when the Dr. had to establish who actually was the physician and in charge. Really, it's just funny now but at the time quite annoying. Dad would eventually acquiesce. That's what the Dr. remembers!

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This posting has grown and will continue to do so as I remember more and time passes by. 

Below a memory of a previous visit while dad was still at home. It will involve a little work on your part but just click on it and read it, it will become clear as your brain processes the information.

A night at the ER

For 15 seasons ER entertained at one point 16.4 million viewers. Shows as ER give you a dramatization of what happens in emergency rooms in hospitals across the U.S and perhaps the world.

Television is one thing, being there is another.


Recently because of my father’s health issues I’ve had the opportunity to visit the Emergency Room (ER) quite a few times in the last couple of months. I think my dad may be on to setting a record for going from home to the ER to a convalescent home, to the ER, back to the convalescent home and back to ER.

Reminds me of what is recorded in the gospels regarding one of the Apostles: “…when you were younger, you used to prepare yourself and go wherever you wanted. But when you grow old you will extend out your hands and another man will restrain you and position you where you do not wish.” It’s true of most of us when young and independent and true when older and frail.

On the last occasion, I was in an intensive care unit, visiting a relative-in-law as he recovers from major trauma due to a freak accident. I was about 40 miles away from home in this other hospital. Around 8:30ish I received a call from my sister. The convalescent home where my father is residing had placed a 911 call because my father was experiencing severe breathing problems.

I left that hospital on a borrowed car as I was riding with my daughter and went to the ER back home in Whittier. I arrived there around 10:00PM and stayed with Dad until he was stable and admitted to the hospital and placed in a regular room.

It’s sad seeing your own dad in a helpless condition, unable to breath and additionally not being able to communicate as the oxygen mask muffled the sounds of his voice as he would try to talk to me. I reassured him that I would be there for the duration and that Mom and everyone else would be informed of the situation. My second goal was to soften the bad news to my mother as the stress of all these recurring trips to ER, have taken a toll on her. I brushed my hand against his bear shoulder and sort of massaged it to calm him down. He fell asleep for a few minutes.

I took the time to talk to the staff and asked them about their schedules, sleeping patterns, how they managed in their environment. I thanked them for just putting up with all the craziness that is part of the package of being in ER. 

The staff I’ve met has to deal with everyone wanting their immediate attention. Rude Doctors especially. I suppose, dealing with trauma day in and day out tends to change your demeanor.

I overheard a nurse talking to my Dad’s doctor. He was saying something about “let’s hurry this up!”; she looked frustrated and almost aghast at his response. It was past midnight so maybe that had something to do with it. Awoken by the phone in the middle of the night, apparently elicited a not to friendly response. Obviously a common occurrence that may have not been emphasized as part of a daily Dr’s life routine while still in school!

After some time, the ER was satisfied with his condition, a resident Doctor talked to me and Dad was admitted to the hospital and place in a hospital bed. I was almost out of juice; it was just about 2:00AM. My dad would get some rest, I would be going home but the ER would remain active all over the world.

Have you had a chance to thank this folks for the work they do? I made sure to express my gratitude. I may be seeing them again!

Fake or Not?

Like to take a poll. What do you think? Vote on it.

Cardinals and Ordinals, do you know the difference?

It's 2010 C.E.

So far our calendar has recorded 2009 years and a few days as of this writing. When most people speak of the last 10 years, technically, they are really referring to the last 9 complete years and whatever amount of days within the 10th year since 10 complete years have not passed.

In 2001, December 31st for example, one complete year had passed. Actually on 2002, January 1st, one year had passed and the second year had begun (2002). As of midnight, January 1st, 2002, one whole day of 2002 was complete, 2002 would not be complete until 364 days later. That would be the very second that the clock turned to January 1st, 2003.

Birth date years are Cardinal. When you're 1, a complete year has passed. You start with milliseconds upon being born (literally 0) and end up being 1 year old on the same date of your birth, the next time around. Some cultures start counting upon conception. So when you are born you are now 9 months old or any variation of that depending on whether birth was premature or not.

This is not the case with Calendar years (at least not with the Gregorian and Julian Calendars). The Romans and Greeks had no year 0. Year 1 A.D. or C.E of our calendar was not a Cardinal number but an Ordinal number. One whole year had not passed, that would only happen on 2 A.D. or C.E. Anytime you see years marked in calendars, you have to subtract one to find out the real number or whole number (Cardinal).

So for 2010, the 10th year will be complete on 2011, January 1st on the first tick of the clock of that day be it a nanosecond after midnight of 2010, December 31st or what ever unit of measurement you want to use.

One easy way to understand the differences then is to think of Ordinal numbers as numbers that tell you a position, like in a race, 1st, 2nd, 3rd. Calendar years are positional.

Cardinal numbers tell you how many, in order words a quantity (whole numbers).  A basket of apples with a count of 10 apples uses a Cardinal number. You don't normally think of the apples in the basket as 1st or 3rd unless you want to know if you put a green or a red apple in the basket first.

One thing is for sure, time keeps on going forward (as we understand it) and we can't go back to change things done in the past.

When 10 whole years of this new century (which is Ordinal as well) have passed, where will you be in relation to your goals and aspirations?