A Farewell to Dad

February 13th, 2010

On Saturday February 13, 2010 my mother and I went to visit Dad at the convalescent home where he was being cared for. He could hardly talk, a few words were all we could pick up, my name, a nickname for mom 'conchita', water and 'give me more'.

I fed him lunch, gave him water, held his hand,  caressed his forehead.

We struggled to make out what he wanted go say, just the fact that he could say our names was enough to keep us connected. After about a couple of hours we told him we were leaving and would come back later.

Like so many times before he would not want us to leave. I kissed him and promised to come back. He kept calling my name as we slowly said good bye. It was my name 'Fernando' the last thing I would hear him utter.

He passed away before we came back that evening. We came back as promised, but now there was only silence. He was serene and relaxed, no longer suffering .

We joked and told short stories that he could no longer enjoy but that made us remember better times.

I kissed his forehead and held his hand, and said good bye one last time!

I did come back Dad!

Baker's Heritage

 

Dad was a baker for a good part of his life, I will always miss the bread he would bake, sweet memories of warm bread out of a brick oven. All that's left, is an empty bread basket waiting for the next batch to come in.

The care that he put into baking his bread is sort of what he did for us when we were kids. There were five of us. Not quite a Baker's Dozen but a handful nevertheless. He would take us to the park by himself and give mom a break. That was a Sunday ritual.

We would go to the pool, the park, have some Ice Cream and it was just so much fun. Whatever was happening that made him lose sleep was never apparent, we always felt secure.

I can thank my dad for a life long love of swimming. The pool we use to visit was an Olympic size pool. His nephew (Margarito), was a life guard and an excellent swimmer. He taught me how to swim and master the free style. Swimming has become part of who I am and what dad left for me.

His Personality!

My dad was a 'character' as some of our friends put it. He had his temper but also a good sense of humor and there were many times when we laughed our heads off as we talked every time we got together.

He had these peculiar phrases he would use from time to time, we called those 'Miguelisms'. Whenever someone said it was hot, he would say, 'It's not hot, it's just absence of cool weather!'.

We traveled to many places together, through sad times and happy times he was there. My youngest sister said it best, 'He never turned his back on us'.

Some facts and observations.

Dad is survived by my Mom 'Conchita', four of us kids (you know we will always be the kids), nine grandchildren.

Dad was born in Guatemala on December 4th, 1924. But I dare to say that he is probably one of the few people that because of clerical errors has actually three birth dates. December 24, 1924 (that's close, a 2 for the 0) and September 4th, 1924. December and September are nowhere near in spelling, so I'm not sure how that happened!

The troubles that these different dates caused are an amusing part of the story. Of course it was not so funny when the health service providers would not get paid. Someone involved in the process had the wrong date and bills were not being taken care of. I was called to clarify the issue and had to use the wrong date in order to get billing cleared.

The battle to clarify that whole mess began in earnest and I'm not sure it will ever be completely fixed. I hope we don't have an issue with the death certificate as well. Turns out without it, you can't 'turn off' certain services and taxpayers money or retirement funds keep coming to someone who is not there.

It opens up the door for unscrupulous individuals to take advantage of the situation and manifest by illegal actions their love for money.

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Below is a small brochure created so that it would be distributed at funeral services.

It's kind of crazy, but prior to about an hour before the event and for days before I had this fear and anxiety attacks. It was based on an uncomfortable dream that absolutely no one would show up.

I was sitting there by myself without friends and family. Crazy as it may sound, that's what concerned me for the better part of the week. Almost as if no one knew of my father's passing away.

Don't know where those fears came from, perhaps related to the emptiness that is felt upon the loss of a loved one.  Unfounded fears of course! We had received condolences from as far as the East coast, New York, Boston, Florida and as far south as our country of origin Guatemala.

There were more than 300 people in attendance, so I'm not sure what I was thinking!

...to dust you will return...

Dad donated his body for medical research. His remains will be spread out in the coast of Oregon, a place we visit a lot. I can say I'm visiting Dad every time I go there from now on.

A lighthearted view...

This is kind of a morbid joke, but I did get a lot of experience doing my Dad's photo collage. I told some of my friends that if they wanted to pre-order one I was now very experienced in creating such an item!

I even have an idea of what I want form my own collage. One can select the best photos and not leave it to some one else. In fact one can start collecting photos now, keep the best and get rid of the less flattering ones.

Ok, a little over the top but I think it's related to us not wanting to think about the inevitable.

We also received a note from his Dr. who offered his condolences, it mentioned how my father was a good patient and cooperated with everyone involved.

I think he must have been thinking about someone else, there were many times when the Dr. had to establish who actually was the physician and in charge. Really, it's just funny now but at the time quite annoying. Dad would eventually acquiesce. That's what the Dr. remembers!

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This posting has grown and will continue to do so as I remember more and time passes by. 

Below a memory of a previous visit while dad was still at home. It will involve a little work on your part but just click on it and read it, it will become clear as your brain processes the information.